feeling ugly..._040509

guess i juz have to admit, im kind of egoistic since... so long ago.. perhaps tis is born to be.. or the environment i was with made me the way i am...

nowadays people keep saying, those kids now are very competitive among themselves, they started to go to school as young as they could, then tuition everyday cz the family or parents afraid that their kids will be having a poorer result as compare to other kids.. as such, each and every parents keep sending their kids to all the express result improving class, tuition class, music class.. watever class u can mention..

the way i came thru my childhood, was.. i scared or im the one who afraid tht i will have a poorer result than any other of my classmates.. i started to go for tuition since i was standard 2.. and tht was the time where i had the feeling of being top 10 in my class.. it was so great, and it was so amaze to be 'labelled' an intelligent student in the class... i remembered.. i was no.8 tht time.. ever since tht.. i never want to drop out of the top 10... i have attended a lot of tuition classes.. till today i still remember the tuition teacher is real fierce...

well, then it continues..till secondary sch, till college time.. non-stop competiting.. tis made me a feeling of.. i always wanna be the winner...

i always thought i am right.. i always thought i can solve my problem on my own.. i always thought.. i can solve everything without asking for anyone's help.. this has been practiced.. since long long time ago.. i hate to ask for help.. i hate to please people.. or perhaps the main reasons was .. if i ask for help, i will be 'label' as a loser? this is wat i thought all these while.. if i ask for help.. people will juz look down on me... if i ask for help, i'll feel ashame... on myself..

something in my mind.. which i never want to tell... n then.. u knew it last nite.. i felt so bad.. the feeling was hurt, but i know u deserve the right.. to know about these.. i know it was juz my stupidity to hide it for so long.. i know it was juz my mistake not telling ya.. but yet.. im feeling so ugly..after all these.. im feeling sorry.. so sorry...